Archive for June, 2015

Decisions, decisions: The 5 Series vs the Aisle

Cars and cameras are the two things I let myself be materialistic about. I don’t care about other stuff.
~ Louis C. K.

The car, or the bride, or both....

The car, or the bride, or both….

Lately I have been having a tussle within my heart; I have been holding meetings with myself, been tossing and turning all night, and staying motionless from brooding all day. I sit on the horns of a dilemma: should I buy a 5 Series BMW or should I marry in a nice church wedding.

It might look like an easy choice but it is not.

For starters I haven’t yet met the car or the bride, but I am at least able to check the car’s specs online and blush at gushing reviews from satisfied drivers. I however cannot find any such elaborate and satisfied reviews from men that walked down the aisle recently, unless I have to assume men don’t talk about such things because they bring them so much joy that they are rendered mute, even angry.

The second matter has to do with cost. I cannot afford either in my estimation. You see a brand new 5 Series BMW costs as much as a house, and I don’t own a house. A wedding worthy of The Wedding Show I’d guess costs less, but not much less. Both are not within my reach given my current station in life. But there’s a way out, I will simply buy a used BMW at a fraction of the cost of a new one and will proudly show off as if I drove straight out of a showroom in Bavaria. I however do not know if there’s such a thing as a brand new versus a used bride, or if latter then cost less to marry in a white wedding. I do know for sure that wedding guests won’t expect less of a gourmet treat on account of condition of the bride (and groom for that matter, being no spring chicken myself); but I do know my friends will understand if the ride in the used BMW is a little bumpy from shock absorbers that have seen better days.

Here is where it gets interesting: for obvious reasons I cannot have kids with a car (even one as beautiful as a BMW), but I’ll wager the SACCO loan I’d use to buy that car that I will have a better chance of meeting someone I can have kids with if I am in that BMW to begin with. I can also bet if I do the latter first then I will not in the future be allowed to buy that luxurious toy which I am betting will enable me do the latter later. It’s crazy.

And so my struggle continues.


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