Archive for August, 2012

An idiots guide to pissing off your friends to the point of getting unfriended on facebook

ABCs of  how to easily get on my unfriend list:

1. Treat Facebook like Twitter by posting updates on the most mundane things, such as, I just woke up, Im tired, I’m pissing, I’m sleepy, yaaaawn!

2. Every time I am online, contact me through Facebook chat by saying hi, and then expecting me to keep the conversation going….

3. Invite me to Mob Wars, Farmville/Cityville, Branchout, and other Facebook applications.

4. Beg for my attention by posting cryptic status updates to give the impression you left off a really crucial part of the sentence. ‘Some things are worth waiting for !’, ‘Just got the miracle I needed! So happy!!’, ‘Ugggghh! WTF!!!’

5. Proclaim how YOUR baby is the most unique, gifted, and intelligent baby in the world.

In fact enough with all the baby pictures. It’s not a competition. We can all have cute children and don’t need to advertise their adorability on a daily, or even weekly, basis, I don’t want baby’s photos filling up my timeline. (Not to mention it is taunting to single sisters watching the biological clock anxiously)

6. Invite me to as many causes and groups as you can find. Including Help 1,000 People Get Poked or Luhyas with swagger,

7. Constantly preach and proselytize about self-righteous religious beliefs and tribal supremacy politics.

8. Beg me, and many other people, to repost your postings.

9. Abuse upper and lowercase letters. Upper and lower case every other letter. Or, SHOUT all the time and act like you haven’t a clue why it’s annoying.

10. Make sure you like or comment on every single entry I make, no matter how irrelevant your opinion.

11. Post a note or upload a picture and to make sure no one will miss it, tag every single person in your Friend list on it and start with me.

12. Use mass messaging instead of creating events to invite me and dozens of other people for an event. That way, whenever someone replies, I get notification after notification over things that have nothing to do with me.

13. 2. Update how much you love your partner, family, job, pets, etc, constantly.

14. Keep reposting heart-rending photos of sick children, claiming facebook will donate towards their care, when this are nothing but sick hoaxes. And those are photos of someone’s child and they didn’t authorize their use.

15. Like bad, even tragic, updates. When you click “Like” it should be because something good happened, and not when someone is telling you they have lost someone or they have been mauled by a rabid dog…


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