A simple guide to finding and keeping a Kenyan man

Confusion reigns, the men say they can’t find a good woman in Kenya, the women say the same thing, thought I’d spell it out in point form in probably the shortest article I’ve ever written.

1. If you’re looking for a potential husband then be/or pretend to be good at housekeeping, being/pretending to be a great cook would help too.

2. If you’re looking for a drinking partner then have a great personality, be/pretend to be humorous and familiarize yourself with the Japanese 50/50 concept or otherwise embrace the concept of FB (not facebook, duh).

3. If you are looking for a sugardaddy/mpango wa kando, better have the looks of a trophy girl and/or the kambasutra skills that supposedly are taught in Machakos.

4. If you’re looking for an arranged marriage where you accept whatever is on offer, join a charismatic congregation.

Mix up any of the four different approaches, and prepare for a lifetime of disappointment.

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