Archive for June, 2011

Students beware; expect more than Juice when you party with the big boys

The host served juice, and the partying went on well until someone in the group produced an alcoholic drink, described by the source as “hard stuff”, possibly a description of spirits, and moved round the room pouring into glasses.At this point, Ms Keino is reported to have protested, saying her faith did not allow her to be in such a gathering

So it comes to pass that the MP who was in this party that left a University Student dead has been named by the Daily Nation as the Juja MP, no surprises there since twitter has been abuzz with the supposed identity of the man in question ever since the news of this tragic death occured.

What bothers me most is the photo of the deceased’s spouse standing stoically next to her father at the funeral.

Did he know about this alleged partying that was going on in luxury apartments? If in deed as we’re being told that this was a staunch christian girl who would never have willingly taken part in the debauchery that was to ensue in the 27,000 a night gateway; just who are the evil friends that decided to pimp her knowing very well she would resist the amorous advances of those in the party who are said to have been on “hard stuff”?

What will go through her boyfriend’s mind when he sees a certain photo (pulled of and widely circulated on twitter, and the veracity of which has not been verified), allegedly of the late girl and the man in question in a compromising state of undress?

This is a very sad mess, one that could have been avoided if only this girl had known what company she was in, if only she had run as fast as he could as soon as she saw who the folks at the party were since these are hardly the kind to be confused with the sort of man who gets his kicks from drinking plain fruit juice.


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With a police to civilian ratio of 1:600, the Boss demands more than two bodyguards!

“Just when I thought that I was out they pull me back in.”  ~ Michael Corleone (Al Pacino), The Godfather Part III

If there’s anything biographies and movies have taught us about real life kingpins; it is that underground hitmen that go by names such as “Mad Dog” Coll, “Machine Gun” Kelly, “Matty the Horse” Ianniello, “The Snake” Persico or “Trigger Mike” Coppola”, etc, do not shoot and miss. It is like when a maasai moran warns you “Mimi nikitoa kisu yangu haitarudi bila damu” or you’re warned in the miraa farms of Kangeta “Nitakukata na hii panga”…. It is not a warning, it is a fact, one you’d do well to heed if you’re not a fan of masochism.

So back at home it seems we’re on the world narcotics map with the Boss’s name having come out of Obama’s lips, but even while I’m none the wiser as to the validity of the claims of how much weight is being pushed out of Kilome; suffice is to say that if you can get your former driver to get around in a custom made H1 Hummer and campaign using a $1,000/hour chopper, then clearly you’re either of two things: an alchemist who has discovered the “philosopher’s stone”; or overseeing a golden goose as the purveyor to pharmacists with a limited inventory

That is why something isn’t adding up in this so called attempt on the Boss. Apparently “unknown gunmen sprayed a vehicle belonging to Mwau with bullets on City Hall Way on Thursday night, ten days after he claimed his life was in danger.” If these were something more than clueless gunmen, one would think they would not randomly shoot in the middle of the city and next to parliament when they weren’t even sure who was or was not in the car. If Akasha, he who would slap the Mombasa OCPD and pistol whip him with a chrome pistol, was taken out by somebody on a bike, then for sure more than one person of equal intent would not be expected to make a move and at the end “the two occupants escaped unscathed” and even more, only one cartridge was found at the scene.

For once I support the the police who have cast aspersions on the veracity of the claims of two employees of the Boss, they have thus asked that they record more elaborate statements because preliminary investigations show that “considering the points of entry and exit of the bullets, it was not possible that no one was injured”, which of course means it is possible this was staged.

Then this allusion that Obama is after his personal wealth and consequently the boss’s life is in danger is clutching at straws literally, really? When you consider that just three of the richest people in America have as much wealth as the total annual income of the poorest 48 countries, I find it highly unlikely that any real, or imagined, wealth the Boss might have would interest America or add any value to their wealth, I mean there are billionaires across the border in Mexico with their own personal armies that should prove way much more of an incentive if a wealth grab was the issue.

Besides, everybody knows the war on drugs is a joke which the US has no intentions of ending or even waging effectively, in fact  Just recently on June 2011, the United Nation’s Global Commission on Drug Policy released a critical report on the War on Drugs, declaring “The global war on drugs has failed”

As for the demand that government accords him extra security, didn’t I just read that there was a driver and a bodyguard in the car? Don’t all Mps have a bodyguard provided at our expense?, plus most legislators have an extra bodyguard because their drivers are almost invariably former or serving policemen. In any case the boss can surely afford to hire private security; this can’t be too much for one who left egg on the two-faced VPs face by airlifting dozens of councillors to the Middle East. Isn’t the Boss the very same person who during the Moi era offered to bring piped water to his constituency and single-handedly finance the project out of his considerably deep pockets?

Maybe our local bosses can borrow a leaf from Mexico where bosses are building their own battle tanks: 

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Thanks to mafans, My little blog was No. 5 On Wordpress blogs of the day



Buyer Beware: A talking doll that’s overpriced by 1.2Million is on the loose in Kenya

I pray that this learned friend is a virgin (and I wouldn’t be surprised if she is judging from her photo and attitude) who is trained in the sensual arts of kama sutra; if you’re going to pay millions for her, you might as well as get a real and skilled maiden, or at the least identify those that should help you shoulder the burden of dowry for an ashy diva with delusions of grandeur

When I saw a link to an article on a female lawyer who is not only looking for a suitor she describes as “tall, brown, financially stable, well-educated, and responsible”, but has also set a bride price for herself at Shs 1,200,000, I quickly clicked the URL thinking I’ll find a younger version of Julie Gichuru or even an Esther Arunga.

On seeing the photo that topped the article, I thought for a moment that I had actually hit the wrong link which had sent me to a website for 100 bob a day temporary house maids.

I took a second look at the ashy face, crooked smile, unkempt nylon weave, cheap shiny suit probably from a River Road stall, the second hand looking couch and generic louvred windows that made up the background to this tragedy of a photographic presentation of a delusion of self importance, and I quickly concluded that this must be either an April fools come late prank, or this poor girl has a journalist friend who decided to play a very bad national joke with her as the unwitting prop.

Hallo Ms Rita Muchiri, it is women like you who will end up being bitter grumbling amazons ten years down the line, marriage is not a commodity to be priced in cash, even if it were a commodity then it is a rare one and one that is getting harder to come by, something you seem not to have learnt in the long years of schooling you supposedly have had. Actually I would not even contemplate paying 20,000, let alone 1.2Million, for Ms Muchiri, in deed even if you offered to pay me the 1.2Million instead, I would actually drive a hard bargain and ask for upwards of that figure to accept your megalomaniac personality to bear my second name, in any case I would probably kick you out of Mi Casa in a minute if your attitude is anything to go by.

Then there was this gem: “The 25-year-old legal professional believes that an educated woman who is working and earning a decent income is worth more in terms of bride price because she is an investment to a man”… yeah right. I have news for you and those of your ilk, actually it’s like the worst kept secret anyway. Men are visual, they will always go for the beautiful woman in sackcloth as opposed to the fugly one in mink, ufortunately for you you’re neither of the two.

Full article here:

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Do we have a construction industry or a criminal enterprise?

Kenyans, at least most of them, have no respect or see no need for professionals; this is hardly surprising given the impecunious life of struggle and want led by the majority of the hoi polloi, and contrasted with a life of hedonistic pursuit and unbridled licentiousness led by the thieving upper class. Somewhere in the middle of the two lies the professional, who is in a constant battle to maintain a façade of being in a pseudo middle-class, while being viewed by the proletariat as a snobbish intellectual who is stuck in an ivory tower, and being seen as nothing more than a pesky enabler to the rich kleptocrats that pay for him to afford a suit and a tie.

This I say as one who has seen clients shocked that architectural fees are pegged to a percentage of the total cost of a project, and this by law not whim. You see the mentality in this country, and a lot of the neglected backwaters of the planet, is that it makes sense to pay for tangible goods, bricks and mortar so to speak, and not for services or intellectual property. Developers, if you can call the disgraceful charlatans and unscrupulous speculators that run the construction world here so, would rather pay a quack a pittance to do a mockery of a design for them, even when they intend to spend tens (if not hundreds) of millions of shillings on the actual construction of a building. In deed even the president himself once said Architects are too expensive for most Kenyans, which by itself amounts to a sanctioning of jua kali developments if you ask me.

The results of this attitude by the moneyed, that professionals can be dispensed with in the building processes, and the fact that the rest of the country can neither afford nor even care to know what role professionals play in construction, are not limited to the impoverishment of the highly skilled and properly qualified professionals, they also have seen the the springing up of unsightly to downright hideous and dangerous buildings which are more often than not illegally put up (with a council officer once telling me some construction sites are only active after dusk to dawn when officers are a slumber) In instances where the lethargic, and often complicit, City Council has tried to step in and order demolitions or stop ongoing unsanctioned developments, friends of the powerful, and who are supposed custodians of law and justice in our courts, have promptly stepped in to protect the accused with favourable rulings.

Of course these issues are only brought into focus when a tragedy occurs and lives are lost in collapse of buildings, such as happened in Langata and Embakasi recently, and Nyamakima and Kiambu a while back. Which is why I was not at all surprised to read this in the daily Nation:

“The building that collapsed in Embakasi killing at least four people had been earmarked for demolition by the City Council two years ago.
The developer of the building however moved to court stopping the demolition resulting to a battle whose climax was a court order that Town Clerk Philip Kisia be committed to 21 days civil jail.
Mr Kisia was at pains on Thursday, to explain the council’s efforts to stop the construction of the house in Pipeline estate.
The clerk further sent alarm over other illegal buildings in Embakasi-Pipeline, Kahawa West Phase II, Tassia, Umoja Zone 8 and 9, Kayole, Roysambu and Mwiki and cautioned tenants against occupying them.
He said council employees had been blocked from inspecting construction work in the estates by illegal gangs.”

How can we really expect better building standards if projects are done by charlatans or built without any drawings whatsoever, if outlawed gangs run sites instead of foremen, if criminals and gangsters build houses instead of developers, and if these tragedies are forgotten in a day and we carry on living in our precarious high-rise death traps because it has not happened to us?

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Ingwe still tops list of richest KPL club in Kenya….

‘Richest’ Football Clubs– Top 5 in Kenya Premier League Midway through the season we take another look at the Kenyan football clubs and what we could say is their modest worth. This is because most of the clubs have held their books so tightly and secretively and there is such fluidity in the financial situation that the only way we have sourced this information is through media reports and respective club websites (albeit where they provide minimal details) {NB: TV revenues and advertising revenues from SuperSport NOT accounted for, along with bonuses}

1. AFC LEOPARDS – this is unexpected but this is helped in large by the club’s recent media deal with Smart TV which will ensure the club has dedicated media coverage from games to behind the scenes, to archived material through Ingwe TV. This makes it the first club in Kenya to have a dedicated channel comparable to European clubsLink. It has also launched a magazine hoping to attract advertising revenue and engage readers. There is the KShs.15 million deal with Mumias Sugar signed in February as well as the AAR health insurance deal worth KShs.1.5 million. { There is the 60 million 3-year TV deal match-day ticketing and merchandising worth about KShs.2 million} Estimated Worth: KShs.98.5 million

2. GOR MAHIA FC – this is Kenya’s most successful and talked about club. It is also has quite some history though much of the aura around it is both mythical and too hyped. Landing a huge sponsorship worth KShs. 38 million just before the start of the season, the club also has the fastest selling jerseys as well as healthy match-day attendance. On average there are between 5000-10,000 fans attending each game whichever day of the week. {From 2-year sponsorship deal; average attendance of 7500 each paying KShs.100 for 30 games; along with merchandising} Estimated Worth: KShs. 60 million

The rest of the article here:

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New Nairobi City Council Traffic Rules

Unless you are ready to part with a hefty fine, and probably a stay in the filthy City Council cells while at it, you would do yourself a world of good to remember these new traffic rules and the attendant fines that they will attract if flouted.

New Nairobi City Council traffic rules/offenses and fines **

The following are new Nairobi City Council traffic offences (rules) and
consequent fines that you should be aware of:

1. Pedestrians crossing the roads in Nairobi when traffic light is red; fine is Kshs. 10,000/=

2. Motorist moving on when the traffic light is red; fine Kshs 10,000/=

3. Pedestrians crossing the road while talking on their mobile phone; fine is Kshs. 500/=

4. Boarding/Alighting at non designated matatu stops Fine 10,000/=

5. Unfastened seat belt – Fine 500/=

6. Worn out tyres — Fine Kshs 10,000/=

7. Double parking –Fine Kshs 20,000/=

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